I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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