btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
