he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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