you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
