I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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