The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
