Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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