Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
