GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
