I'm really into asian looking animals
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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