This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
