Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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