Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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