You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
