if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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