when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
