i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
