If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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