Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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