I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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