The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
