Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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