He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize