somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
