I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Too much gin, very little bucket
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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