I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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