This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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