yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Are my feet made of real feet?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
