so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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