I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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