You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
