I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
