Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
