at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
