im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
