Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
