u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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