Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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