this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
