It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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