someone threw a dead crab at me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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