She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
