I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
