32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
