I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
