Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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