i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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