whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
