you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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