How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
