We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
