it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
