I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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