I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
