he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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