I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
