it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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