I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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