my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
