i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
