Having a random hookup so left but love u
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
