woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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