I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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