I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
this hospital has no fireball
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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