his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
